Question

37. How far is too far in terms of physical contact between friends of the same sex? Like sexual touch is obviously a no-no, but what about things that fall more into the grey area? Such as light kissing, hugging, leaning forward to, etc. Is it okay for friends of the same sex to casually hug each other or lean into each other's shoulders? What does the Bible say about this? I can remember Songs of Solomon 8:1 and Acts 20:37 when it comes to brotherly physical affection, but I wonder if there are more passages I should look into or use as an example. Thank you! Asking this because I have a male friend who has been wondering if it's okay to give frequent hugs to his long-time best friend who he has considered a brother of his own, and I want to get more insight on this topic.
Asked by: Female, 19-25, Asia, Christian on October 5, 2021 8:49:48 pm

Answer

Hi,

Thanks for asking such an excellent question.

This is a sticky question in current times, and I am glad you asked.

The answer lies in the heart.

To answer your direct questions:

Is light kissing okay? Yes.

Is light hugging okay? Yes.

Is leaning forward to okay? Yes.

But the why will turn that answer around.

Since you live in Asia (I am a Korean person myself), culturally, it is accepted for friends to be reasonably close. In America, where I currently live and have grown up, males may frown upon another male putting their arms around them. In Korea, male friends may hold hands together, and it is considered fine. In Italy, light kissing on the cheeks of either gender is acceptable. I hug my close Christian brothers whenever I meet them, especially if it has been a while.

It is okay to follow the culture in which you live. Yet again, the why will make the difference. In the same way, God looks at our hearts.

If a person feels an attraction to another person and finds that doing these acts (kissing, hugging, leaning forward) excites them, these activities may not be helpful. This goes for male-to-male or female-to-female who are worried about going toward homosexual tendencies, or even male-to-female when the person is not the person God has ordained for them. Those acts (kissing, hugging, leaning forward) are acceptable if there is no such attraction and both parties, whether males, females or mixed genders, do not feel uncomfortable with such acts.

Today, it is easy for young people to be confused about their sexual preferences due to media and different cultures. I can imagine a situation where a male may be generally attracted to females, but a close male friend may begin to look attractive during hard times. Or a female finding her close girlfriend as a partner figure because of certain situations in her life.

In those circumstances, as Christians, we may want to distance ourselves from that person of attraction and spend more time with others to realize that it is simply our situation that is causing us to think that way. Generally, the thought of desiring a same-sex person is often a fluke that occurs temporarily and should not be something to worry about.

However, if it does become something that remains over time, please feel free to write back and share the situation.

Answered by Dr. Sang Sur

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